The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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