Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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