Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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