so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize