we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
