For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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