she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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