This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
i now understand why vodka
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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