cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
