thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Ladies don't puke and tell
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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