my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
