I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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