Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
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