I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
