there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
