Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
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