i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
