god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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