Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize