I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
