I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
