I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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