So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
