you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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