I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
