if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
