Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
