she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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