you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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