She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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