wrigley field is MILF paradise
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
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