I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
