Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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