My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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