Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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