I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
