Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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