We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I think my fart just growled at me.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
