All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
