i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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