"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
