I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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