I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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