Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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