that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
