Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
