i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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