So drunk, too bad you don't want this
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
