I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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