I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
