we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
