I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
