Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
