Umm I'm too high to move.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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