She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
