You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
