I love black thongs
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
