did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
