when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
