I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
