Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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