But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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