Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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