You don't have asthma, your pregnant
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Randomize
